Did you notice this peculiar thing: after a while of going out you can approach quite comfortably. Quite comfortably means something different for everyone. One feels pretty confident and happy, while another person feel just a tiny bit less nauseous after a year or two.
Still, the process of desensitization goes on. It just has a different speed for every person.
Anyway, you feel quite ok opening and chatting up some girls. You also might notice that the less petty they are the more confident is your approach.
If you are going out every time with a certain goal in mind – lets say you want to use more touch (“kino”) during interactions – you notice that it goes very easy on girls you are NOT attracted to. It goes not that easy on girls you have some attraction towards.
And it becomes increasingly difficult to do that on girls you more or less like. And what makes things more difficult is that the ones you like will feel your hesitation and freak out. Uncertain touch feels really weird. Try it for yourself.
And when it comes to super hot girls – you freeze out. You probably do not even attempt to approach. If you get enough nerve to do that – conversation quickly dies out. She seems disinterested or her friends drag her away or whatever.
If you are going out and trying things for real – you know exactly what I mean.
You try to touch her – more times that not – she will give you a LOOK. So you will quickly stop trying. Sounds familiar?
Some guys start to create all kinds of excuses for them just not to go and not to approach. And this is fine if all they want is “to get at least someone to be with them”. I hear these confessions during my workshops and I think there are more guys who actually think it then are guys who are able to say that loud.
It takes a lot of courage to admit this to you. If you only wish is to get your skills up to that level to be able to get for yourself any girlfriend whatsoever and not to think about this again – well, I understand completely.
And we can teach you to do that in a very short period of time. Really.
But what if you are an ambitious student and you are also honest with yourself so you can clearly see the issue? Well, then sooner or later you will have face it.
So what to do here? How to overcome this one?
There are two ways which you can take. And note: one does in exclude another. In fact one is working on the issue itself and another one is going on a higher logical level (see my post on logical levels).
So the first and the most straightforward way will be to keep pushing yourself. You will slowly, step by step desensitize yourself.
You divide the whole issue in smaller chunks: start saying hello to all super hot chicks whenever you see them. Then start 30 seconds conversation, then build it up to 5 minutes, add flirt, etc. You get the picture.
It’s the same way you approach the practical aspect of the Game in general but here you apply it in isolation and one kind of girls. Those who are super hot for YOU.
Your general level of success in the Game is already higher but here you have to start all over again.
The second way requires more work but when it’s done you experience great results not only in your relationships with women but in ALL areas of your life. Let’s look at it closer.
What if I tell you that you are scared to approach beautiful super hot girls because of your relationship with yourself?
Answer this question to yourself HONESTLY:
Would you date YOURSELF? This question is CRUCIAL.
In fact this might be The First Most Important Question you can ask yourself in the Game.
If your answer is NO – then WHY should girls date you?
I mean this picture you have of yourself projects onto the world and you are getting exactly what you are projecting.
Ask yourself: why would you NOT go on a date with yourself?
Sit down and write it. Break it into different areas such as: style, humor, storytelling, body language, etc. Some areas are for sure ok and on some you will have to do some work. Go ahead and fix those areas.
If your answer to the first question is YES – then ask yourself:
How much do you actually love and accept YOURSELF?
This is The Second Most Important Question.
Are you too insecure and afraid to acknowledge that you are a complete and beautiful human being? May be you are afraid to acknowledge all those amazing parts of you? We all were taught that some parts of us are not that good or not that beautiful. That they are something to be ashamed of. Or may be you think that you did not deserve certain things?
Who did it to us? It was social programming first of all, then family, genes, whatever. But this is not an excuse. This is simply a fact. Accept that you have some limitations installed and then proceed to replace them.
What if I tell you that when you accept that immense inner beauty that you possess, when you realize how cool, unique, beautiful you actually are - then your whole inner world gradually changes.
You will notice that you feel much more confident and at ease talking to the hottest chicks and their reactions to you become more and more accepting, warm and positive.
What if I tell you that there is nothing to change in the outside world? It’s all inside us. Nothing changes but ourselves. Love yourself, realize what a good and complete man you are and communicate with everyone including the hottest girls with that in mind and see how warm and nice they will turn towards you. See how attracted they will be.
Once you really love and accept your own uniqueness and beauty as well as your own shamelessness about it - then this attitude, the REAL you - will shine through and your behaviors will reflect it.
Others will feel it. Not see, but FEEL.
You might stop wearing all the fancy cloths. It just does not matter any more.
People will open to you and they will stay with you. You have become a rare person. You are the beauty that knows its worth and is authentic and unapologetic and straightforward and loving and understanding. There are almost no such men around.
You will be an exception. More rare than diamond. And most women have radar for this kind of man.
But to achieve that inner change you have first to accept yourself entirely with all your imperfections and then start to working on changing those. You will have to start giving, sharing, shining. You see when I said love and accept yourself I did not mean to become an egoistic asshole proud of his misbehaviors and negative traits. What I mean is an inner transformation. Your confidence is based on self-acceptance and knowing that your ARE a good, loving, giving, shining, beautiful person. It’s all in you.
Keep going.
DJKC
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