Personal Development: goal or means to an end?

It’s such a cool process, such a noble thing we are doing here…really…
We are improving our personality, developing our character and basically re-engineering ourselves.

Fortunately we have the best technology available. Thanks to the internet, forums, lairs, books, seminars and all that endless stream of information.

Like with any technology it’s easy to loose ourselves in a stream of info and keep looking for the next “magic word”, “magic pill”, “magic solution” that will help ME to change.

Others were not really “mine”.

May be the next will be…

Hey, it’s all already there. Go apply.

Come back when you have a mouthful of field experience.

Then dig some more info. Talk to guys who KNOW THE GAME.

And dive back into action.

There is NO SECRET to success.

Its just work. Being relentless.

So after doing all those efforts, attending seminars and using techniques you start discovering the value of what’s called “the inner game”.

Sooner or later you begin making changes not only in what you think is possible for you but also you initiate the process of reviewing WHO you actually are.

You climb high and start looking at the top of the mountain: Your Identity. The sacred, the one and only. You tweak this, you replace that and it feels better.

More work – feels good again.

Time passes you make more and more internal changes. You start realizing that this is an ongoing process and there are some good and fruitful consequences to it.

And then if and when you are prepared to be brutally honest with yourself an interesting revelation will come to you and knock on the front door.

Simple one. Dare to open it?

Ok, it sounds like this: “I am doing all that identity change work, I learn to be unreactive, I become more social, I improve my confidence, I read all that great advice and I know I am a 10, I am HIGHER VALUE guy…With all that heavy artillery combined I enter the field and I fire all that ammo… With one thought in fact: now I have changed, I KNOW I am higher value, I know I am a 10, I know I should not react at all… I am SUCH COOL GUY. … so I really hope that…I WILL GET HER APPROVAL NOW!”

Stop for a second and think about it.

Think REAL DEEP AND REAL HARD.

Is it not this thought that keeps you reading and learning?

You are prepared to become a better man, to realize your intrinsic worth and superior value.

Yeah… So girls will start TO REACT TO YOU POSITIVELY as a result.

This is the last (or one of the last) EGO bastion on your way to real deep and irreversible positive personal change.

Another trap here obviously is that you might truly start believing that YOU ARE THE SHIT and they are all stupid bitches that just can’t see it.

Your Game still might not even exist. But You are going to be very proud… and very bitter then.

Say hello to your EGO again here.

It can trap you on both sides. Be aware.

Is that an unavoidable part of the path? I would say: Yes, it is.

Realize WHY you are doing what you doing. You see, all that stuff you internalize and bring out to the world might still miss that little last tweak.

And it mostly does.

Whom are you doing it for?

There is no shame in admitting that initially you were doing all that inner change work just to please THEM, to get THEIR attention and approval. It’s totally cool and ok.

Next piece will fall into its place when you will realize that actually all that change you are doing is FOR YOU and for you ONLY.

You become a better man FOR YOURSELF. Not for anyone else.

Your change is deeply personal.

You most probably will lose most of your social circle on the way and it’s totally ok too.

Some say it’s a pity. Look at it this way: your REAL friends will still love you and respect your choices. Like you respect theirs.

If you think about it longer you will realize that 90% of your social circle changes every 10-15 years ANYWAY. Think how it looked like even 5 years ago.

It’s pretty much different now, isn’t it?

It’s just an indication of your growth and development, nothing else.

If you go back to primary school and tell a child that his social circle might be totally different in 10 years he will be pretty surprised. As an adult you understand that it’s very logical and healthy process.

Again, you become a better man for you and not for anybody else.

You become unreactive just for yourself, you become more social and you start to ONLY GIVE VALUE just for yourself too.

You sincerely disconnect from what others think of it and how they react to you.

And at the same time you KEEP WORKING on your GAME. Keep learning and applying it and re-accessing what you do.

Here it comes: Desire without Attachment.

You KNOW that you are 10; you don’t care of what others think of you. You know – you are a worthy human being.

How do you know that?

Because your conscience, your mind and soul all tell you that in unison. You have what Johnny Soporno calls a Reasoned Confidence.

It’s when all parts of you tell you as one: “You are totally right doing what you do. It’s good for you and its good for others. Go do it now.” Simple. Like all genuius.

You see what starts to happen? Your determination to become better in the Game is still there, you admit to yourself that even if you are a perfect and totally cool person – there is still some work to be done in that area of your life.

Since you have no doubts any more about WHO you are - you know for sure that you are doing the right thing and world only benefits from your progress and from your actions.

Your progress will become much faster and easier. And not only in the area of male-female interactions.

It will charge forward in all areas of your life. Because you already know the outcome.

You have changed from the person who changes himself only in order to get something from others into the person who positively changes his identity and gives value to the world.

You add to the world’s happiness AND you keep learning the Game on the way.

Release yourself.

DJKC

Honesty.

Wikipedia: “Honesty is the human quality of communicating and acting truthfully related to truth as a value. This includes listening, and any action in the human repertoire — as well as speaking. Superficially, honesty means simply stating facts and views as best one truly believes them to be. It includes both honesty to others, and to oneself (self-deception) and about one's own motives and inner reality. Honesty, at times, has the ability to cause misfortune to the person who displayed it…”

Student monologue: “What the f***? I read about being congruent and honest and I went out and I was congruent and honest and she rejected me. What should I do now? It’s all probably just another thing that does not work so I better go and tell girls what I THINK THEY want to hear from me and everything will be GOOD. They will accept me. I will get under the radars. They are not nice to me anyway so this way of behaving will take at least this load off my shoulders.”

Who was not struggling with this thought? Well, if one went out and developed himself and became more integral human being on the way AND spoke/heard some GOOD people talk then this thought MOST DEFINETELY crossed his mind more than once.

What is the way to take here?

Being honest and telling NO LIES whatsoever or create a “person of high value” and present it to her?

Interesting dilemma per se because if you think about it really well it means that you are already pretty far on your path of personal growth and development.

You might not have thought about this “issue” before.

I did not. For quite a long time.

Just did my best to score.

Many people do that their whole life: they go out and present a “persona” which THEY THINK is ATTRACTIVE for opposite sex. Both men and women do it.

It’s equally usual for both sexes.

So here goes the guy who meets the girl and tells her all that stuff about his interesting job, good career perspective (mind, he might not even have a job!) but for the sake of a chance of getting laid that night he might create it.

He flashes some cash, buys her drinks and guess what? It works.

No, he might not get laid but she agrees to meet him on another day.

Because Cosmopolitan magazine advised her to act in this particular way.

Don’t be “easy”.

Give your number.

Test him.

Otherwise she is considered to be a “slut” in the eyes of her friends and the society at large.

Go watch Johnny Soporno on this. His stuff is brilliant.

So let’s take a look at first scenario when they go to bed immediately and he has reached his “goal”.

Next morning he is gone with his little persona in his pocket – uncovered lie.

But let’s say they like each other. Then what?

It’s hard for him (or her – if she made something up) – to clear it up and to say “hey, I just BS’d you yesterday. I am simply this and that. And not all that beautiful story I told you yesterday."

Hardly anyone will do that.

It’s easier in such a case to construct another lie and then go on guarding all that complicated constructions and watching your step every time you talk on some subjects.

How do I know all that? I have been there, guys.

Anyway, let’s take a look at another scenario when she gives him her number and agrees to meet again.

During his next few dates he masterfully plays into that role that he thinks she might like and may be she plays some other role that she thinks will have most success in keeping him (if she is looking for an long term partner at that time).

2-3 dates pass.

Including the first one in a nice restaurant with some very awkward pauses to chew the food.

Just think how dumb is this whole concept of a romantic dinner of two people who hardly know each other and both are afraid to make a mistake or to cut the food in a wrong way and after all they have to face each other – two strangers – for an hour or so…

This is what modern society endorses invisibly as a model of “first meeting”.

Just don’t do it.

Stop. Forget about it.

The best place for the first date is your is a quiet lounge. The second best is your bedroom.

Keep all that nice dinner stuff for AFTER SEX.

If ever. Period.

So lets say our guy and his girl finally have sex.

She kept him hungry for long enough so he is committed now.

So says Cosmo and so she thinks. What does he think?

He might think “well, actually it was not really worth it but I invested so much energy so I better stay with her”.

So they start “seeing each other” and soon they get into an exclusive relationship.

Something else happens then or even before that.

After a short while she realizes that he IS NOT the guy that he pictured himself to be.

His self-control weakens and his made up coolness is not there any more.

BUT THEY BOTH INVESTED SO MUCH INTO THIS ALREADY.

It’s hard to pull out of the deal when you invested so much into it.

So their relationship keeps going for a while but does it REALLY satisfy both of them?
In the long run – NO.

Chances are big that if they get married – they will soon get divorced and blame it off course on some “external” things.

Their friends will say “Well, nowadays its SOOO common.” shrug and go on with their own similar stories.

So where does it start?

It starts at the moment you open your mouth when you first see her.

Honesty is the only solution and your greatest asset in playing this game.

And in finding the RUIGHT kind of woman for you. Or a FEW right ones.

You grow towards honesty slowly but steadily. Like a seed goes through the ground and finally sees the sun.

You start feeling some weird uncomfortable feeling when you tell the story which you borrowed from the internet “to increase your value”.

What a NATURAL way to increase your value?

To HAVE A LIFE. To have it for REAL.

How? Go build it if you don’t have it.

You don’t have to be a movie producer to be able to have an exciting lifestyle.

You can be passionate about painting and make an amazing story about it.

My buddy Sunday59 paints those totally unearthly landscapes at home. He's got canvas and brushes in the middle of his living room.

He loves poetry and reads it to girls.

Blows their mind away.

Totally.

First thing he asks her if she can paint and loves poetry.

Why? Because he wants someone who will share his passion. Even in a 1 min conversation. It enriches their lives.

I bring chicks home and let them dance while I dj.

I love doing it.

I don’t care if I may loose a good moment to escalate.

I share something at that moment.

It’s a total honesty about who you are or what you do. About what you prefer in life and what you dislike.

Note here: NOT in a stupid way, guys.

Do not take it and go ruin conversations by telling them you want harem and you are spending your nights in clubs picking other girls up.

You can let them know things just by saying: “Well, I prefer to stay single right now”.

She will be totally cool with that. It might even increase your value because she is not looking for a relationship either.

Better that then trying to figure out first if she is looking for a boyfriend or even worse - ASSUMING that in advance.

What she is looking for is not of your business. Your own world and strength of your own reality – that’s the only thing that you should care of.

And remember, it’s all subtle.

Girls read much more into little hints then any most sensitive guy does. If you are a player, don’t worry, she will figure it out.

And she will respect you for letting her know it in a subtle way. If she ever asks you directly.

And she will despise for trying to maneuver and create some “story”. It IS VISIBLE when you are thinking of a good answer.

Really. She can see it.

So get out there and start being honest. Not dumb-ass-honest. But intelligent-integral-funny honest.

That’s the best thing you can do for yourself and for those you meet.

Good luck on your journey.

DJKC