It seems like many people are REALLY confused about where to begin their improvement.
Its like: “Yeah, my life is quite ok in general…but this thing with women … I don’t know…it kind of sucks… I did my study well, my salary is rising I should get some better chick, I mean I do all like I was told… but it just somehow does not happen…”
Well, here is the news: its a BIG TIME LIE.
It will never “just happen” to you.
Society programming has fucked you up.
As it did with 99.99999% of population.
How about this message: “Be a good sheep and things you deserve will come to you“.
Nope, not with women, buddy. To find out in detail about social programming, the Matrix and how all that work in our modern society read my previous article The Matrix (Part1 & 2).
So lets assume that now you identified your blind spot.
You want a better girlfriend. Or you just wantto date many women. Or you want to become a serial polygamist.
Its all entirely up to you and you are totally entitled to that.
Next the question comes: where to begin?
You might go Google some dating related words and get literally thousands of websites. And they all promise "instant cure". Or a "unique-3 days-seminar-workshop cure". Or "buy-my-e-book cure".
They ALL have testimonials and all those testimonials are there to tell you: yes, this is The Magic Pill. Stop and shop by us. Do not go further.
So after 2 or 3 of such sites you get confused and start asking around and checking some forums. After a while you might land on a company name that gives supposedly good seminars/workshops …and your friend’s friend took it…and it was ok.
So you go pay a couple of thousands of dollars just to find out that is was…well...it was... entertaining… but not really your thing.
This is the way it goes with lots of people.
Here I want to give you a way that I think is smart and fool proof enough.
After years of being in field (read: going out and interacting with tons of women in all kind of social environments), dating many of them, giving workshops and seminars on the subject, reading everything under the sun I think this might help you in finding your own path.
So here it is: how do you begin.
First step: make a decision to act.
Make a decision to keep going even when the path will become difficult. I take it as a given that you decided to really go for it.
To do whatever it takes to get some positive changes done.
The general rule is that the more efforts you put in something the better results you get. It sounds really simple but if you put mediocre effort in something you will get mediocre result. Unless you happened to be extremely gifted in that particular area.
But even for the most gifted people big success means 5%talent and 95% persistence and work.
Here is the question for you to answer to YOURSELF: how hard do you want it?
Second step: decide what you want to achieve in this area of your life.
Your goal may change once you will get to know yourself better. That’s totally fine.
I was very perfectionistic and set very high goals for myself from the very beginning. My goals have changed few times since then. Every time to become even bigger.
What seemed to me to be huge goal initially - became quite ordinary after a couple of years and I realized that I can go further and do bigger things.
Again, its very personal.
For some people just leaving their house and entering a club is already a huge victory.
I know someone who took a year just to overcome major social anxiety. He was simply terrified to enter a disco or a crowded bar. Leave alone to talk to someone there.
He is one of the best guys I know who now is really good with women and dating. And he feels totally at home in any club. But it took him a year first just to be able NOT to run away.
So you see it’s personal. Its BIG if its big FOR YOU.
Step three is to identify where you are right now.
Assess your position, your recourses, your strengths and weaknesses.
You do not know them all, there are plenty of blind spots and ego-protected constructions but don’t worry about it too much right now.
Just do what you can. Check a few different personal development programs.
Personally I found Tony Robbins’ and Brian Tracy’ materials to be very helpful in doing it.
Get them and follow them meticulously.
That means putting aside all other things and really listening to what these guys have to say, doing the exercises, taking a notebook and making notes. Put 1 hour a day into it. Do it for 21 day (this is how long some of Tony Robbins programs are – you do it like 1 cd per day for 21 day).
This will create a positive momentum in your life.
After a month or so and may be even after a week or two you will have a raw assessment of where you stand and what your stronger/weaker sides are.
Come back to the same program after 9-10 months and do it again.
It will give you a very good idea of where you are heading.
The general rule here is again to trust your heart and find one program that FEELS good doing and then stick with it. Take your time; spend a week or two looking for one.
If you can’t find one that you really like – just start somewhere. Do not worry about finding the right one too much.
Just start somewhere.
Once you made an assessment of yourself you will see much better where you stand right now.
Step four is to look for a right mentor to help you.
What I mean here by mentor: it can be a person or a company. Or both.
Lets look at a person first.
It can be someone you know. It can be someone you don’t know.
When I started out I went to people I knew who were good with women and started to ask them questions.
Mostly if those people are naturals (people who just HAPPENED to have a gift of being good with women) you will most probably hear something like: oh, just be yourself and its going to be all right.
That’s the advice you mostly will get from those naturals.
Very frustrating because just as they were “themselves” their whole life with great results in this area – you also were “yourself” with NO or very few results.
Don’t be discouraged by their answer. Go hang out with them. See how they behave, what they do. Do not attach too much meaning to it.
Those guys might give you some valuable insights. And they might as well not give any and only make you more confused.
You will tend to behave as they behave and to say what they say.
But you might not get results they get.
And it’s totally cool too.
See, the point here is that you are moving out of your comfort zone, trying different behavior patterns.
Your mind starts to concentrate on things you previously never thought of.
It starts to search for clues and insights.
You become a social scientist of a sort. Its fun.
And as we all know whatever you concentrate your attention at in your life – starts to grow and increase.
Go with as many different people as you can find.
Take anything they have to offer and be grateful for it.
Important note: try to offer then something of value first. From helping to build their website (if you are any good at it) to buying them a dinner/beer/VIP ticket to the coolest party/whatever…
You can go two ways here: first build a good connection, help them with something and then to ask for assistance or just walk up and ask. It’s up to you.
Personally I preferred to do it right away.
I found that the coolest guys live in a world of abundance and are pretty much willing to help if you are direct, honest and humble.
And those who look strange at you and say some nonsense – its ok too.
Don’t take it personally, just go on.
You will also see how your ego will behave.
It’s not as easy as it sounds – just walk up to a stranger or even someone you know and say something along the lines: “Hey man, I noticed you are really good with women. I feel like I ‘m a bit behind… could you give me some tips? Let me buy you a drink…”
The knowledge of YOURSELF you get from this process of looking for a mentor is priceless.
Lets look at the possibility of finding a company that may help you.
A company that gives seminars or workshops or both.
There are SOOO many of them.
And they all claim to be The One and Only.
And there are very few who will really help.
You should look for one that really resonates with your understanding of the world, your beliefs and values.
How you do that?
You will have to do some research of your own. May be get their materials somehow and see what they teach on their seminars. May be get their e-books and learn a few basic ideas.
Don’t trust any testimonials ‘because they all say the same thing.
Pay attention to the instructor-student ratio.
Biggest players on the market have most of the time 4-5 and more students per one instructor (sometimes 10+).
It’s virtually impossible to give any value to the student with such a ratio.
You going to wander around in a club totally on your own or watch a couple of approaches that instructor does.
Its good to see stuff done by others but the most important part (what you are actually paying for) is that you have to do it yourself afterwards.
And there will be no-one watching and correcting you since the instructor has 8-9 other guys to observe.
When I take students out into the field I take 1 person with 2 instructors.
Most other times its 1 coach – 1 student.
Its 100% personal attention and giving value.
We also take 2 students with 2 instructors particularly when going to teach them club game.
That’s the lowest and the best ratio.
It’s the highest result and attention rate.
And it’s really personal. That’s what I love about it.
Giving the most personal attention possible and seeing results right before my eyes.
If you want to learn much more than a bunch of tricks to manipulate others into believing that you are someone esle...
If you want really serious results that require some good inner effort...
If you want to undergo an inner shift...
If you want to really FEEL that you are BECOMING GOOD...
If you want that inner change and that vibe that so called “naturals” possess – then you may come to us.
Whatever you are going to choose – let your heart guide you on your way.
Following the steps I outlined above will get you moving in a right direction.
Good luck on your journey!
DJKC
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