How Long Does It Take To Learn The Game?

This guy came to me yesterday during the night out and said:

“I am going out doing day game already for 2 years and still no results. I am switching to the club game now. Well, do you actually have any idea why after going out for two years I still do not see any results? I am going to slow down now. It’s too much. But tell me what is REALLY going on? Is it all marketing bullshit that we read on the net and when we watch products of so-called guru?”

I get this kind of questions pretty much lately. So, really, let’s see “why”. The answer here is actually fourfold. Here it is:

First and most important is YOUR DRIVE. How obsessed are you? How badly did you hit the bottom? Did you REALLY have enough?

When I started this journey I did not know how much it would take me to get to the point of consistent results. I did not have any idea of HOW I will get to that point and also I did not know that there are like-minded people who can actually help.

The only thing I knew then was that I was not going to live a life of scarcity. Ever. It was like a CALLING from above and it said “enough”.

It was and still is “get rich or die trying” kind of attitude. It takes more and more spiritual forms, it grows and evolves. It became kind, loving and all-encompassing. But still, after all it’s kind of starting every day again and again.

Ego does not want to change. It wants to protect. It’s so nice and warm in that sweet little comfort zone of yours. (Actually everything that we have and what surround us DOES HAVE a good use for our personal development and your Ego too. I will talk about it in another article.)

So how do I get out of this sweet sleepy zone? I really, fully on DEEP EMOTIONAL LEVEL realize that there is NO ALTERNATIVE to growth, to going out, to get abundance. What is there left for you in life if you stay home and watch a movie? Nothing. It’s like that huge swamp that can swallow you if you don’t get out. Its spiritual degradation and death.

You have to realize that there is NO WAY BACK. No way will I go back to the brainwash of 50+ channels of television, to old habits, to excuses of bad weather, no wingman, to the lack of busy clubs in your town or whatever. Time is TICKING. And it’s counting down.
Every moment you spend on your couch is taken away from learning, interacting, discovering yourself. You are stealing your own self-actualisation process away from yourself. How does that feel? TRULY REALIZE that those are THE CONSEQUENCES and you never will have an issue of staying home again.

This is the biggest driving force behind the process. Internalize it. Live it.

Second is that you often can’t see your own progress. Really. Lots of time you are doing just fine.

I saw the guy who asked me the above question about two years ago when he first decided to get this area of his life handled. This was more or less the look:
:)
But he did a lot in these two years. His cloths are now cool and well-cut. He developed his own style; he is taking dance lessons, changed a job and moved to a bigger city.

Many times it’s our own expectations of ourselves that mess things up and let frustration to come up. Without realizing it you START TO COMPARE yourself with external world, with people from DVD’s and e-books. They are all “getting it”, “scoring”, their life seems to be a continuous process of enjoyment, pleasure and luxury.

So obviously the question rises: “will I ever get there too? Its all so easy for THEM, may be they are special or may be they just lie and its all actually IS a marketing bullshit?”

My good friend just came from a PUA gathering in Las Vegas where alumni and instructors from one of commercial methods got together for a weekend. He came back very disappointed. No-one scored. People got a few phone numbers, did some funny flirt but for the rest nothing happened.

To put it simple: no one got laid during three days. And there were guys among them who actually are instructors and who actually make a living by teaching this stuff to others.

I have no doubt that this is not a typical story but it indicates something.

Namely: YOU HAVE YOUR OWN TEMPO, YOUR OWN SPEED. Again, this one needs to be DEEPLY realized.

Every time that temptation to compare yourself to others creeps in you have to wipe it out. YOU COMPARE YOUR RESULTS AND YOUR PROGRESS ONLY WITH YOURSELF.
Could you talk to a stranger a year ago? Could you hold 2 minutes conversation easily? How did your personal style develop?

These are the only comparisons you are aloud to make. Check and you will see that basically you are doing well. There IS A PROGRESS. But it’s not at all like in those books and videos. Because it’s YOUR OWN progress.

‘Cause you are writing your own book called “My Victorious Self-Actualization”.
Like my good friend Johnny Soporno (pic above) says: “To find out where you REALLY are at the moment in your personal development process – just enter nearest Mc Donald’s restaurant and ask the guy behind the counter how HIS life looks like”.

Third is how much effort you are putting in reaching your goals.
For the last three years I help a friend of to run a gym. It’s a boxing gym but there are no professional boxers there. Just regular people from all ages and walks of life who come there 3 times a week to get their condition up, to learn some self-defense and to let some steam out in a harmless way.

Most of them are coming year after year and are very loyal clients. But the funny thing is: 99% of them have the same physical condition and boxing skills level as they had a year or two years ago. They come for a training, do what their instructor tells them to at about 60% of their ability and then they leave with a good feeling.

And I mean there is nothing wrong with that. They check another day in their agenda, they go exercise, and it’s done.

They do want to get better but they somehow think that it will JUST HAPPEN to them if they will duly attend the gym for long enough.

Well, it JUST DOESN’T.

On the other hand there are a couple of guys and girls there though that take trainings really seriously. They train every time with all they have. They do it as if they prepare for the most important exam. Every move they make, every exercise – they just give it all to it. 100%.

The same thing exists with learning the Game. The rule is: you are out there and you have to DO THAT. You have to put 100% effort every time you do that. Its not you doing the exercise but it is you becoming that sexy guy, getting into the state and being in the moment. I had to push myself hard in the beginning. I still have to do it sometimes. So what, nobody told you that it’s going to be easy.

Realize that you are conquering YOURSELF in this and this is the most difficult task for a human.

Fourth is stepping back and re-assessing the situation and changing your approach if necessary. It’s always useful to re-evaluate what you are doing at regular basis. Here a journal will help you a lot. As well as a good advice of someone who is further than you on this path.

Do not go and ask advice to your old friend or family members. This is NOT the right place. In this case the further from home you search for help the better.

Try different approach if you see that what you do does not bring results for many months. Modify. Then try again.

Go check commercial methods that are teaching it. Find out the one that really vibes with you. No matter what others say about it. You are on your own path. You are on your own level of personal development. You are on your own level in this Game.

Whatever calls a positive emotional response, whatever has an answer in your heart – this is yours. Your heart knows better.

I see some guys furrow their brow at this like “Eeee… all that heart stuff… Its all like…emotional... it's for chicks… I’ve just read about that Magic Pill method. All my logic and experience tell me that I should invest in it…”

Forget it. Trusting yourself means trusting your heart.

Keep going.

DJKC