Entre Nous Project

2008-04-04T20:33:00.003+02:00

Here are some rules that were born in the process of me discovering this world, the Game and myself.
These rules really helped me a lot and continue doing it.

I will post them one by one and may be later create one joined post with all of them.

I remind myself of these rules every single day.

They help me to tune into right vibe.

The same happens when I listen to Eckhart Tolle or when I read Tyler’s blog.

Here they come:

Rule 1: Cards are being given every day anew.

Whatever happened yesterday or any other day – its all gone. Forever.

New day is here. Yesterday is a shadow, a history, a mist…

Its gone.

The table is clean and empty.

You woke up this morning and your ethernal Self opened your eyes and looked at the world.

As if it’s a first time.. First look…

Did you ever catch yourself thinking realizing that one part of you actually never changed since the first moment you can remember yourself?

Its that part that just looks at the world without judgement without talking… just looks at the world and flows… beyond time…

Cards are being given every day anew…

Everything that happened before that moment is just a lesson.

You learned it. You will not repeat the mistake twice.

Let go of emotional connection to the past. Past is gone. Let it go.

Every morning you start a new life.

Past does not equal the future. Its not equal today either.

After you realize it you will receive a powerful source of energy and persistence.

The one who gets up and keeps going every single day – he will get to his goal.

He receives every day a new life and lives it to the fullest.

Cards are being given every day anew...

Keep going

DJKC

Personal Development: goal or means to an end?

2008-02-11T03:47:00.000+01:00

It’s such a cool process, such a noble thing we are doing here…really…
We are improving our personality, developing our character and basically re-engineering ourselves.

Fortunately we have the best technology available. Thanks to the internet, forums, lairs, books, seminars and all that endless stream of information.

Like with any technology it’s easy to loose ourselves in a stream of info and keep looking for the next “magic word”, “magic pill”, “magic solution” that will help ME to change.

Others were not really “mine”.

May be the next will be…

Hey, it’s all already there. Go apply.

Come back when you have a mouthful of field experience.

Then dig some more info. Talk to guys who KNOW THE GAME.

And dive back into action.

There is NO SECRET to success.

Its just work. Being relentless.

So after doing all those efforts, attending seminars and using techniques you start discovering the value of what’s called “the inner game”.

Sooner or later you begin making changes not only in what you think is possible for you but also you initiate the process of reviewing WHO you actually are.

You climb high and start looking at the top of the mountain: Your Identity. The sacred, the one and only. You tweak this, you replace that and it feels better.

More work – feels good again.

Time passes you make more and more internal changes. You start realizing that this is an ongoing process and there are some good and fruitful consequences to it.

And then if and when you are prepared to be brutally honest with yourself an interesting revelation will come to you and knock on the front door.

Simple one. Dare to open it?

Ok, it sounds like this: “I am doing all that identity change work, I learn to be unreactive, I become more social, I improve my confidence, I read all that great advice and I know I am a 10, I am HIGHER VALUE guy…With all that heavy artillery combined I enter the field and I fire all that ammo… With one thought in fact: now I have changed, I KNOW I am higher value, I know I am a 10, I know I should not react at all… I am SUCH COOL GUY. … so I really hope that…I WILL GET HER APPROVAL NOW!”

Stop for a second and think about it.

Think REAL DEEP AND REAL HARD.

Is it not this thought that keeps you reading and learning?

You are prepared to become a better man, to realize your intrinsic worth and superior value.

Yeah… So girls will start TO REACT TO YOU POSITIVELY as a result.

This is the last (or one of the last) EGO bastion on your way to real deep and irreversible positive personal change.

Another trap here obviously is that you might truly start believing that YOU ARE THE SHIT and they are all stupid bitches that just can’t see it.

Your Game still might not even exist. But You are going to be very proud… and very bitter then.

Say hello to your EGO again here.

It can trap you on both sides. Be aware.

Is that an unavoidable part of the path? I would say: Yes, it is.

Realize WHY you are doing what you doing. You see, all that stuff you internalize and bring out to the world might still miss that little last tweak.

And it mostly does.

Whom are you doing it for?

There is no shame in admitting that initially you were doing all that inner change work just to please THEM, to get THEIR attention and approval. It’s totally cool and ok.

Next piece will fall into its place when you will realize that actually all that change you are doing is FOR YOU and for you ONLY.

You become a better man FOR YOURSELF. Not for anyone else.

Your change is deeply personal.

You most probably will lose most of your social circle on the way and it’s totally ok too.

Some say it’s a pity. Look at it this way: your REAL friends will still love you and respect your choices. Like you respect theirs.

If you think about it longer you will realize that 90% of your social circle changes every 10-15 years ANYWAY. Think how it looked like even 5 years ago.

It’s pretty much different now, isn’t it?

It’s just an indication of your growth and development, nothing else.

If you go back to primary school and tell a child that his social circle might be totally different in 10 years he will be pretty surprised. As an adult you understand that it’s very logical and healthy process.

Again, you become a better man for you and not for anybody else.

You become unreactive just for yourself, you become more social and you start to ONLY GIVE VALUE just for yourself too.

You sincerely disconnect from what others think of it and how they react to you.

And at the same time you KEEP WORKING on your GAME. Keep learning and applying it and re-accessing what you do.

Here it comes: Desire without Attachment.

You KNOW that you are 10; you don’t care of what others think of you. You know – you are a worthy human being.

How do you know that?

Because your conscience, your mind and soul all tell you that in unison. You have what Johnny Soporno calls a Reasoned Confidence.

It’s when all parts of you tell you as one: “You are totally right doing what you do. It’s good for you and its good for others. Go do it now.” Simple. Like all genuius.

You see what starts to happen? Your determination to become better in the Game is still there, you admit to yourself that even if you are a perfect and totally cool person – there is still some work to be done in that area of your life.

Since you have no doubts any more about WHO you are - you know for sure that you are doing the right thing and world only benefits from your progress and from your actions.

Your progress will become much faster and easier. And not only in the area of male-female interactions.

It will charge forward in all areas of your life. Because you already know the outcome.

You have changed from the person who changes himself only in order to get something from others into the person who positively changes his identity and gives value to the world.

You add to the world’s happiness AND you keep learning the Game on the way.

Release yourself.

DJKC

Honesty.

2008-02-04T02:02:00.000+01:00

Wikipedia: “Honesty is the human quality of communicating and acting truthfully related to truth as a value. This includes listening, and any action in the human repertoire — as well as speaking. Superficially, honesty means simply stating facts and views as best one truly believes them to be. It includes both honesty to others, and to oneself (self-deception) and about one's own motives and inner reality. Honesty, at times, has the ability to cause misfortune to the person who displayed it…”

Student monologue: “What the f***? I read about being congruent and honest and I went out and I was congruent and honest and she rejected me. What should I do now? It’s all probably just another thing that does not work so I better go and tell girls what I THINK THEY want to hear from me and everything will be GOOD. They will accept me. I will get under the radars. They are not nice to me anyway so this way of behaving will take at least this load off my shoulders.”

Who was not struggling with this thought? Well, if one went out and developed himself and became more integral human being on the way AND spoke/heard some GOOD people talk then this thought MOST DEFINETELY crossed his mind more than once.

What is the way to take here?

Being honest and telling NO LIES whatsoever or create a “person of high value” and present it to her?

Interesting dilemma per se because if you think about it really well it means that you are already pretty far on your path of personal growth and development.

You might not have thought about this “issue” before.

I did not. For quite a long time.

Just did my best to score.

Many people do that their whole life: they go out and present a “persona” which THEY THINK is ATTRACTIVE for opposite sex. Both men and women do it.

It’s equally usual for both sexes.

So here goes the guy who meets the girl and tells her all that stuff about his interesting job, good career perspective (mind, he might not even have a job!) but for the sake of a chance of getting laid that night he might create it.

He flashes some cash, buys her drinks and guess what? It works.

No, he might not get laid but she agrees to meet him on another day.

Because Cosmopolitan magazine advised her to act in this particular way.

Don’t be “easy”.

Give your number.

Test him.

Otherwise she is considered to be a “slut” in the eyes of her friends and the society at large.

Go watch Johnny Soporno on this. His stuff is brilliant.

So let’s take a look at first scenario when they go to bed immediately and he has reached his “goal”.

Next morning he is gone with his little persona in his pocket – uncovered lie.

But let’s say they like each other. Then what?

It’s hard for him (or her – if she made something up) – to clear it up and to say “hey, I just BS’d you yesterday. I am simply this and that. And not all that beautiful story I told you yesterday."

Hardly anyone will do that.

It’s easier in such a case to construct another lie and then go on guarding all that complicated constructions and watching your step every time you talk on some subjects.

How do I know all that? I have been there, guys.

Anyway, let’s take a look at another scenario when she gives him her number and agrees to meet again.

During his next few dates he masterfully plays into that role that he thinks she might like and may be she plays some other role that she thinks will have most success in keeping him (if she is looking for an long term partner at that time).

2-3 dates pass.

Including the first one in a nice restaurant with some very awkward pauses to chew the food.

Just think how dumb is this whole concept of a romantic dinner of two people who hardly know each other and both are afraid to make a mistake or to cut the food in a wrong way and after all they have to face each other – two strangers – for an hour or so…

This is what modern society endorses invisibly as a model of “first meeting”.

Just don’t do it.

Stop. Forget about it.

The best place for the first date is your is a quiet lounge. The second best is your bedroom.

Keep all that nice dinner stuff for AFTER SEX.

If ever. Period.

So lets say our guy and his girl finally have sex.

She kept him hungry for long enough so he is committed now.

So says Cosmo and so she thinks. What does he think?

He might think “well, actually it was not really worth it but I invested so much energy so I better stay with her”.

So they start “seeing each other” and soon they get into an exclusive relationship.

Something else happens then or even before that.

After a short while she realizes that he IS NOT the guy that he pictured himself to be.

His self-control weakens and his made up coolness is not there any more.

BUT THEY BOTH INVESTED SO MUCH INTO THIS ALREADY.

It’s hard to pull out of the deal when you invested so much into it.

So their relationship keeps going for a while but does it REALLY satisfy both of them?
In the long run – NO.

Chances are big that if they get married – they will soon get divorced and blame it off course on some “external” things.

Their friends will say “Well, nowadays its SOOO common.” shrug and go on with their own similar stories.

So where does it start?

It starts at the moment you open your mouth when you first see her.

Honesty is the only solution and your greatest asset in playing this game.

And in finding the RUIGHT kind of woman for you. Or a FEW right ones.

You grow towards honesty slowly but steadily. Like a seed goes through the ground and finally sees the sun.

You start feeling some weird uncomfortable feeling when you tell the story which you borrowed from the internet “to increase your value”.

What a NATURAL way to increase your value?

To HAVE A LIFE. To have it for REAL.

How? Go build it if you don’t have it.

You don’t have to be a movie producer to be able to have an exciting lifestyle.

You can be passionate about painting and make an amazing story about it.

My buddy Sunday59 paints those totally unearthly landscapes at home. He's got canvas and brushes in the middle of his living room.

He loves poetry and reads it to girls.

Blows their mind away.

Totally.

First thing he asks her if she can paint and loves poetry.

Why? Because he wants someone who will share his passion. Even in a 1 min conversation. It enriches their lives.

I bring chicks home and let them dance while I dj.

I love doing it.

I don’t care if I may loose a good moment to escalate.

I share something at that moment.

It’s a total honesty about who you are or what you do. About what you prefer in life and what you dislike.

Note here: NOT in a stupid way, guys.

Do not take it and go ruin conversations by telling them you want harem and you are spending your nights in clubs picking other girls up.

You can let them know things just by saying: “Well, I prefer to stay single right now”.

She will be totally cool with that. It might even increase your value because she is not looking for a relationship either.

Better that then trying to figure out first if she is looking for a boyfriend or even worse - ASSUMING that in advance.

What she is looking for is not of your business. Your own world and strength of your own reality – that’s the only thing that you should care of.

And remember, it’s all subtle.

Girls read much more into little hints then any most sensitive guy does. If you are a player, don’t worry, she will figure it out.

And she will respect you for letting her know it in a subtle way. If she ever asks you directly.

And she will despise for trying to maneuver and create some “story”. It IS VISIBLE when you are thinking of a good answer.

Really. She can see it.

So get out there and start being honest. Not dumb-ass-honest. But intelligent-integral-funny honest.

That’s the best thing you can do for yourself and for those you meet.

Good luck on your journey.

DJKC

The Bomb: Understanding Logical Levels vs Sh!t in Your Head.

2008-01-21T01:14:00.000+01:00

Here is a very important concept. One of a few crucial ones that is EXTREMELY USEFUL to know and TO APPLY. Like everything on this site it’s meant for those who are serious about their personal transformation.

At the moment you realize that the Matrix loaded your brain with tons of crap - just to make you socially useful and obedient sheep - you are very willing to clean it up.

You feel hurt because the whole system was lying to you and kept you blind. First you want revenge. Later you realize that there is no-one to blame but yourself and you want to become Your Own Master.

You go look for instruments that can help you do that.

Here is a concept that can assist you GREATLY in becoming one.

It will bring your understanding of reality, people in it and your own Self on a new level.

Sounds good, doesn’t it? And it really delivers the promised goods.

It’s known as the NLP Logical Levels (also known as the Logical Levels of Change and the Logical Levels of Thinking).

The word NLP (Neuro linguistic Programming) might call for different reactions among the readers. I am not going to protect or to attack it here. I just say that understanding Levels is a very powerful weapon so let’s adopt it without having much emotion towards its origin.

Are there any to whom it does not sound so simple? “..Neuro? Ohhhh…All those complicated words…”

Well, the choice is as usually all yours.

You can either read this article carefully and apply it or you can consider it “Just toooo-tooo diffucuuuult” and keep living your life like you used to.

One thing to remember though: anyone but you will be then in charge of your Mind.

And as we know by now the key to the Gate of Your Personal Victory is in this question: who is in charge of your mind?

We all were brought up by a whole culture or even few cultures that filled our head with extremely useful information.

Sometimes useful. Sometimes not that useful. Sometimes totally useless.

Like a dogshit on a sidewalk.

Let me dare to guess that there are tons of dogshit filling an average head of an average person.

Unless he is an enlightened individual and was brought up in Tibet or something t like that.

For those who did not grow up among monks and mediations – well, MTV took good care of things. Don’t leave the house. Quick and easy. Here. Magic Pill. Buy. Spend. All for 19.95$. Special offer. This week only…

Anyway, back to the subject.

Understanding Logical Levels is very useful for assisting with a process of Change from an individual, social or organization point of view.

To make it simple and clear lets take a look at this familiar example:

One day guy wakes up and says to himself “My personal life is not good at all. I am going to change it. I am going to have a beautiful girlfriend ASAP.”

So, what’s the first thing he does? He goes to a bar or a club on Friday night.

He enters the bar and looks around. Lost of things are going on.

This is the very first level. Its called Environment.

Everything that surrounds us is our Environment.

That’s what we are reacting to. It can be our work environment, club environment, and home environment…whatever.

Somewhere deep inside this guy is hoping that if he only will show up at the right bar at the right time then somehow that beautiful girl will find him and even start a conversation with him.

Well, he realizes pretty soon that it just DOES NOT HAPPEN.

So after a few drinks he gets enough courage and attempts to start a chat with an attractive girl.

This is the second level. The level of Action.

He is in the environment called “the club” and he undertakes Action called “the approach”.

For the sake of this example lets say that he was not too successful and he goes home alone that night.

After a couple of weeks of going out our guy (and he is a smart guy) starts to notice that there are some guys in a club that are having quite some success with approaching girls.

By now he realized that there is something in his behavior that girls seem to dislike somehow.

So, the next logical level, the third one is Behavior.

He sees some of the guys making out with girls and some even take girls home. Every time he sees it and its mostly the same guys. He discovers so called “naturals”.

Well, he thinks, probably their Behavior is what gets them girls.

He makes friends with a couple of them and asks a few questions. One says “just be yourself”. That does not bring our hero very far since he is “being himself” his whole life and its exactly “being himself” that brought him into this whole situation.

Another “natural” gives him a better advice:“You have to be funny, you have to be relaxed, and you have to learn to become charming.”

It’s a good begin so our guy discovers that in order to have a nice girlfriend he has to learn some skills.

This forth level is called the level of Capabilities.

He learns some funny stories, goes to improvisation workshop and pretty soon he can carry out some pretty long conversations that make girls laugh and even give him some phone numbers.

Well right here he starts to see the positive results of his previous actions and his beliefs about what he can do start to change.

Beliefs are the next, the fifth logical level.

His success gets bigger and bigger.

It starts to be a kind of upward spiral where his successes from the past just feed his confidence. He makes other friends, he goes out to cooler places, and he wears different cloths.

After a few years of living this life he finds a picture of himself. There he is just before he started his journey. Nerdy glasses, polo shirt with his company logo on it, pleasing smile.

He can not recognize himself.

Was it really him?

He can not even identify himself with that person on the picture.

He remembers some old thoughts and ideas about himself that he held at that time and they all are SOOO weird and distant.

They do not belong to him anymore. They belong to that old identity.

So, Identity is the next, the sixths logical level.

Our guy is a totally different person now.

Did you ever think of what it REALLY means when someone says that he or she is totally other person now?

It means that their identity, the way they view themselves has changed.

There is only one level left above Identity.

The sevenths and the highest logical level is called Spirituality.

If our hero chooses to adopt a Buddhist point of view on the world and follow it that would happen on this level.

Not many people ever go there.

Spirituality requires an answer on the most important question of existence: What am I part of?

What is leading me spiritually? What’s my vision of this universe and of the whole existence?

You see, its tough stuff. For big and strong boys and girls.

The rest of people just take whatever society and parents fed them.

That’s how the whole logical level pyramid looks like:

You probably understand by now that each higher level determines completely what happens on all the levels below.

Pay attention to the fact that changes on the lower levels require less effort to make than changes on higher levels. But the results are also less impacting.

If our example guy would go to an NLP master or hypnotherapist like Neil Struss (aka Style) did in his famous book “The Game” then he would get new strong identity installed.

Style went to Steve P who is one of the best in this field.

Steve P learned his trade from many different sources including Indian shamans and so he might have even connected Style with his Higher Self and Universal sources of energy and that in turn would dramatically change Style’s results infield and in life in general.

Because changes on the level of Spirituality and Identity are the most powerful ones and automatically bring incredible changes in Beliefs.

Beliefs in turn increase Capabilities which in turn inspire great Actions. And this is in fact exactly what happened to Style.

He got two months of hypnotherapy and NLP with two best masters and walked away as a really empowered person.

His Identity had changed completely.

Go read The Game for details.

So how to use all the above? Simple.

Internalize the structure.

Realize that everything you do or any problem you have can be seen from the Logical Levels point of view.

Determine where it belongs to.

Is it on Capabilities level? Is it your beliefs that keep you away from achieving your goal?

Notice that Ego is a construction protecting your Identity. So whenever Ego is involved you can be sure that the real issue lies with the way you are seeing yourself.

Remember that your Identity is fluid and in constant development.

Remember the expression “I could never recognize myself from that time” expression.

You can change. There is no “Oh, that’s just the way I am” thing.

Not if you REALLY want to change.

You can create yourself as a sculptor creates a work of art.

And pay a visit to Spirituality level from time to time. Experiment with different belief systems.

Try to find one that will resonate the most with your heart.

Discard what society or any other sources told you if you do not feel any REAL emotional heart connection with it.

Remember that ideally you should have an alignment on all levels.

It means you walk your talk.

If you want to have 3 girlfriends at the same time (environment) and to be happy and fulfilled and honest with yourself then make sure that you are practicing religion or spiritual belief that allows you to do that.

But better first let your heart to find a spiritual belief or religion and then align your life with it.

This approach from top to button works sooooo much better….

Good luck on your journey.

DJKC

Knowledge Spread vs. Willpower

2008-01-14T18:37:00.000+01:00

Interesting question is being asked by some serious players I know.

It’s being asked already for a while and I would like to give a personal opinion answer on it. Like you see sometimes in the movies: “This film is not reflecting an official point of view of the X government. Its strictly personal opinion”.

So, first, whets the question? Here it is: “With all this seduction-related knowledge spread through the internet, books, seminars, workshops, etc – the knowledge which is sacred gotten by a few by blood sweat and tears – get into everyone’s hands and so all the efforts are for nothing. ‘cause everyone will be able to pickup models after knowing how – to stuff.

So all the efforts to learn are also in vain because everyone knows it and does it. Even worse: chicks know it too. So they can easily spot the one who tries to use the knowledge. Endless crash&burn as a result. Is all this stuff not dangerous and threatening to those who want to learn the game?”

Here is my answer: I am not worried about it even for a split sec.

Why? Because: think about it. Think really hard.

First: how many people are able to admit to themselves that they actually SUCK in this area of life?

Very-very few.

The vast majority is reading or watching this stuff whenever it comes up on TV or internet article or a seminar with their ego full blown and alert:

"Me? NOOOOOOOO! I am a fucking pimp. Well, I don’t have a girlfriend or I have that bitchy little drama queen as a girlfriend but its only because I am busy with other IMPORTANT things in my life right now.

I am such a pimp that when I REALLY will have time and when I want it – I will just come out and get supermodel for myself in no time..."

To confront ego you need to have a very strong motivation. How many people you know that have a super strong motivation? Particularly in something that society at large is frowning upon?

Second: social programming kicks in.

It says that you only have a cool girlfriend when you are successful in your job/study/career.

When you are a good sheep.

Then nice girl will appear in your life as a bonus.

Inevitably as a salary rise.

One beautiful evening… oh, yeah, and don’t forget to wear that new Gucci cologne and those D&G sunglasses.

Otherwise she might not recognize you.

And keep drinking Heineken beer ‘because all those chicks from their TV ad choose guys who do…

Here I have to disappoint you. No fucking thing will happen.

None. Whatsoever.

The society programming road ends at your computer monitor watching internet porn.

And many people are going to live very unsatisfied lives just because they believe in what the Matrix has to say.

And were too comfortable to go find truth for them. Go read my article "The Matrix. Open Your Eyes" to find out more about the power of society programming.

Anyway, I am not writing this to cheer them up.

I am writing this to tell us (REAL PLAYERS) that there is NO DANGER in that knowledge spread. None. Whatsoever.

Sо, my small tribe, lets look little further: out of hundred people who started on this journey – how many will get their ass away from the monitor and get on he street?

Let’s be optimistic and say 75%.

How many will really approach?

How many from those who approach will survive the pain of hard rejections which are inevitable? Not one or two but HUNDREDS of rejections.

Rejection by a supermodel does not hurt that bad when you look and behave like a computer nerd and you know she is out of your league but how about ugly and fat war pigs (Mystery term).

Ladies, please, here no offense is meant. I know perfectly well that it’s all about heart and personality.

No pain intended. They will all discover it.

Let them first go for those shiny vain bitches. Then they will learn the lesson and probably come back to you. No worries. Just visit a fitness club once in a while.J

So, lets go on: now after all those rejections – how many of those left are ready to take a hard look at themselves and to realize that ITS THEM WHO CAUSED THE REJECDTIONS.

Girls had for the biggest part nothing to do with that. This realization is a BIGGY. And how many of those who WILL realize it – will actually go and change those things in themselves?

You see where I am going with this?

What a tiny little microscopic percent of those who had an access to the Knowledge is left by now?

What did the others do with that knowledge? The same what they did with the most of knowledge that comes their way – they entertained themselves with it for a few days/ months and then throw it away.

Along with the first edition of playstation and their cassette player.

Now, about chicks reading into all those pickup tactics and knowing that you are a player – I am totally cool with that too.

You cant use in a 1000th time an opinion opener of who lies more or some other stuff you got from the net. Someone created this opener and it played its role and now its time to make up your own. It’s all crunches anyway.

Go improvise.

Or go sit home in your little cozy comfort zone and blame the rest of the world for using the same opener.

It’s all about your coolness and your general vibe anyway. That will bring you chicks. Nothing else. Plus well developed social skills. That’s it. The whole package.

Those who developed this stuff you are using now or reading about – paid for it with their time, humiliation, tears, hundreds of nights in clubs and streets.

They got together a valuable recourse which can save some time and effort. But not that much that you can call it a magic pill.

There are plenty of descriptions of how to drive a Formula 1 car on the internet.

Can you drive one well after reading it? Do you know anyone who can?

Or does it require tons of experience, courage and will power – to learn to drive such a beast? By now you know the answer.

Tyler Durden told me that 95% of people who come to his seduction seminars and workshops will quit within a year.

My own experience indicated even higher percentage.

It’s never crowded on an extra mile. Many will start running marathon – very few will ever cross the finish line.

So if you are still there and I mean going out and implementing stuff you learned – then you belong to a selected club.

A club of a few. Welcome.

DJKC

Where to Begin?

2008-01-02T09:15:00.000+01:00

“Awareness itself creates momentum”. Steven Covey

It seems like many people are REALLY confused about where to begin their improvement.

Its like: “Yeah, my life is quite ok in general…but this thing with women … I don’t know…it kind of sucks… I did my study well, my salary is rising I should get some better chick, I mean I do all like I was told… but it just somehow does not happen…”

Well, here is the news: its a BIG TIME LIE.

It will never “just happen” to you.

Society programming has fucked you up.

As it did with 99.99999% of population.

How about this message: “Be a good sheep and things you deserve will come to you“.

Nope, not with women, buddy. To find out in detail about social programming, the Matrix and how all that work in our modern society read my previous article The Matrix (Part1 & 2).

So lets assume that now you identified your blind spot.

You want a better girlfriend. Or you just wantto date many women. Or you want to become a serial polygamist.

Its all entirely up to you and you are totally entitled to that.

Next the question comes: where to begin?

You might go Google some dating related words and get literally thousands of websites. And they all promise "instant cure". Or a "unique-3 days-seminar-workshop cure". Or "buy-my-e-book cure".

They ALL have testimonials and all those testimonials are there to tell you: yes, this is The Magic Pill. Stop and shop by us. Do not go further.

So after 2 or 3 of such sites you get confused and start asking around and checking some forums. After a while you might land on a company name that gives supposedly good seminars/workshops …and your friend’s friend took it…and it was ok.

So you go pay a couple of thousands of dollars just to find out that is was…well...it was... entertaining… but not really your thing.

This is the way it goes with lots of people.

Here I want to give you a way that I think is smart and fool proof enough.

After years of being in field (read: going out and interacting with tons of women in all kind of social environments), dating many of them, giving workshops and seminars on the subject, reading everything under the sun I think this might help you in finding your own path.

So here it is: how do you begin.

First step: make a decision to act.

Make a decision to keep going even when the path will become difficult. I take it as a given that you decided to really go for it.

To do whatever it takes to get some positive changes done.

The general rule is that the more efforts you put in something the better results you get. It sounds really simple but if you put mediocre effort in something you will get mediocre result. Unless you happened to be extremely gifted in that particular area.

But even for the most gifted people big success means 5%talent and 95% persistence and work.

Here is the question for you to answer to YOURSELF: how hard do you want it?

Second step: decide what you want to achieve in this area of your life.

Your goal may change once you will get to know yourself better. That’s totally fine.

I was very perfectionistic and set very high goals for myself from the very beginning. My goals have changed few times since then. Every time to become even bigger.

What seemed to me to be huge goal initially - became quite ordinary after a couple of years and I realized that I can go further and do bigger things.

Again, its very personal.

For some people just leaving their house and entering a club is already a huge victory.

I know someone who took a year just to overcome major social anxiety. He was simply terrified to enter a disco or a crowded bar. Leave alone to talk to someone there.

He is one of the best guys I know who now is really good with women and dating. And he feels totally at home in any club. But it took him a year first just to be able NOT to run away.

So you see it’s personal. Its BIG if its big FOR YOU.

Step three is to identify where you are right now.

Assess your position, your recourses, your strengths and weaknesses.

You do not know them all, there are plenty of blind spots and ego-protected constructions but don’t worry about it too much right now.

Just do what you can. Check a few different personal development programs.

Personally I found Tony Robbins’ and Brian Tracy’ materials to be very helpful in doing it.

Get them and follow them meticulously.

That means putting aside all other things and really listening to what these guys have to say, doing the exercises, taking a notebook and making notes. Put 1 hour a day into it. Do it for 21 day (this is how long some of Tony Robbins programs are – you do it like 1 cd per day for 21 day).

This will create a positive momentum in your life.

After a month or so and may be even after a week or two you will have a raw assessment of where you stand and what your stronger/weaker sides are.

Come back to the same program after 9-10 months and do it again.

It will give you a very good idea of where you are heading.

The general rule here is again to trust your heart and find one program that FEELS good doing and then stick with it. Take your time; spend a week or two looking for one.

If you can’t find one that you really like – just start somewhere. Do not worry about finding the right one too much.

Just start somewhere.

Once you made an assessment of yourself you will see much better where you stand right now.

Step four is to look for a right mentor to help you.

What I mean here by mentor: it can be a person or a company. Or both.

Lets look at a person first.

It can be someone you know. It can be someone you don’t know.

When I started out I went to people I knew who were good with women and started to ask them questions.

Mostly if those people are naturals (people who just HAPPENED to have a gift of being good with women) you will most probably hear something like: oh, just be yourself and its going to be all right.

That’s the advice you mostly will get from those naturals.

Very frustrating because just as they were “themselves” their whole life with great results in this area – you also were “yourself” with NO or very few results.

Don’t be discouraged by their answer. Go hang out with them. See how they behave, what they do. Do not attach too much meaning to it.

Those guys might give you some valuable insights. And they might as well not give any and only make you more confused.

You will tend to behave as they behave and to say what they say.

But you might not get results they get.

And it’s totally cool too.

See, the point here is that you are moving out of your comfort zone, trying different behavior patterns.

Your mind starts to concentrate on things you previously never thought of.

It starts to search for clues and insights.

You become a social scientist of a sort. Its fun.

And as we all know whatever you concentrate your attention at in your life – starts to grow and increase.

Go with as many different people as you can find.

Take anything they have to offer and be grateful for it.

Important note: try to offer then something of value first. From helping to build their website (if you are any good at it) to buying them a dinner/beer/VIP ticket to the coolest party/whatever…

You can go two ways here: first build a good connection, help them with something and then to ask for assistance or just walk up and ask. It’s up to you.

Personally I preferred to do it right away.

I found that the coolest guys live in a world of abundance and are pretty much willing to help if you are direct, honest and humble.

And those who look strange at you and say some nonsense – its ok too.

Don’t take it personally, just go on.

You will also see how your ego will behave.

It’s not as easy as it sounds – just walk up to a stranger or even someone you know and say something along the lines: “Hey man, I noticed you are really good with women. I feel like I ‘m a bit behind… could you give me some tips? Let me buy you a drink…”

The knowledge of YOURSELF you get from this process of looking for a mentor is priceless.

Lets look at the possibility of finding a company that may help you.

A company that gives seminars or workshops or both.

There are SOOO many of them.

And they all claim to be The One and Only.

And there are very few who will really help.

You should look for one that really resonates with your understanding of the world, your beliefs and values.

How you do that?

You will have to do some research of your own. May be get their materials somehow and see what they teach on their seminars. May be get their e-books and learn a few basic ideas.

Don’t trust any testimonials ‘because they all say the same thing.

Pay attention to the instructor-student ratio.

Biggest players on the market have most of the time 4-5 and more students per one instructor (sometimes 10+).

It’s virtually impossible to give any value to the student with such a ratio.

You going to wander around in a club totally on your own or watch a couple of approaches that instructor does.

Its good to see stuff done by others but the most important part (what you are actually paying for) is that you have to do it yourself afterwards.

And there will be no-one watching and correcting you since the instructor has 8-9 other guys to observe.

When I take students out into the field I take 1 person with 2 instructors.

Most other times its 1 coach – 1 student.

Its 100% personal attention and giving value.

We also take 2 students with 2 instructors particularly when going to teach them club game.

That’s the lowest and the best ratio.

It’s the highest result and attention rate.

And it’s really personal. That’s what I love about it.

Giving the most personal attention possible and seeing results right before my eyes.

If you want to learn much more than a bunch of tricks to manipulate others into believing that you are someone esle...

If you want really serious results that require some good inner effort...

If you want to undergo an inner shift...

If you want to really FEEL that you are BECOMING GOOD...

If you want that inner change and that vibe that so called “naturals” possess – then you may come to us.

Whatever you are going to choose – let your heart guide you on your way.

Following the steps I outlined above will get you moving in a right direction.

Good luck on your journey!

DJKC

The World is Your Mirror.

2007-12-23T19:35:00.000+01:00

I want to discuss this topic today ‘cause as inevitably as all the way were leading to Rome at ancient times – now all the ways are leading to personal development.

If you are smart you will get there.

My metaphor for spiritual development is like this: imagine that there is that huge table in front of you. Let’s say you are sick and tired of being not so good with women (like I was). So that little corner of your table is all dirty and messy. So you decide to get better i.e. to clean it up.

And after a while of looking at it, trying to sort out the mess and using few different cleaning liquids you discover (like I did) that there is actually that whole huge table (your IDENTITY, beliefs and values) and its all messed up and to start doing better on that little corner you have to pour water all over that huge space and clean it all up.

It’s all interconnected.

Its all one whole.

And when finally the entire surface will be clean and clear – then that little corner of your table will become also inevitably clear and totally in order. You pour so much water on the whole surface that it covers all corners automatically.

And that huge space consists of something called integral personal development.

So again, if you are smart – you will have to handle the whole thing.

You will have to start on the personal development path and this will enrich your life BIG TIME.

You will start feeling hungry for that knowledge and something will awaken inside you. Something that was sleeping deep inside you all those years and only accidentally and vaguely reminded you of its existence.

Sometimes… Snapshot of quiet beach and sea...

View of sunset... Silence in the forest...

Light falling through the curtains on quiet Sunday morning…

I had it when I was 14 and used to come to school very early on cold winter mornings. At that time of the day there where only 2 security guards in that whole huge building. All those noises of the day where an hour away and school was warm, dark, silent and friendly...

Before the crowd will rush in and scare the silence away.

I used to walk then through the building feeling something in my soul bigger than me, bigger than I could conceive at that time. I did not know what it was but I liked to feel that mysterious piece.

I did not know what to do with it then.

Sometimes you might feel something in you that you can’t even label. Resist that mind’s wish to label it. Just feel it and let it be there. It will find a way to come out and make frieds with you one day…

So here it comes: the world is your mirror.

It’s a sum total of your thoughts and intentions about the reality.

All that you possess...

All that you have coming to you...

All that surrounds you...

It’s all YOUR MIRROR.

Its all YOU.

How girls react to you is a sum total of what you think of yourself and what you learned about what you may and may not do.

You most probably don’t even remember WHEN, HOW and WHO taught you this stuff. But its all there. Running your life.

But there is an EXTRA feature to the mirror: a delay.

Even in the normal mirror we see our image with a tiny delay.

Obviously the light needs some time to reach out eye so we receive the information which is already a tiny bit old.

Our thoughts and intentions take time to manifest so in our lives the delay can be sometimes pretty long: weeks, months, years.

Whatever your thoughts are about yourself and others, whatever your ideas are about this world and in fact anything that goes through your head – it all comes to life. If you have conflicting thoughts they will take time to manifest.

If there is no inner conflict then it will happen almost immediately. Like you might remember while doing something simple like washing dishes in the kitchen you might think “this plate is standing on the edge, it might fall and break” and it happened almost immediately.

Unconscious mind plays a crucial role here. Let’s use a computer game analogy here.

Unconscious will play then a role of an enormous database. A huge database of some computer game that keeps all the game physics, character traits and behavior patterns of all participants’ plus all avatar features, etc.

Consciousness plays the role of a programmer who can can use his conscious mind as a programming tool to change the reality around him.

And here is good news: by DELIBERATELY AND CONSCIOUSLY using your mind you can influence the rest of this reality.

It’s not easy but it definitely worth the effort.

Some typical objection here might be: “I am always nice to those girls, I buy them drinks and listen to their problems… Why don’t they see me as a sexworthy man?” or “Well, I have always been very positive and excited about other people and the world in general… I tried to help… I never had any prejudices but people behaved so badly towards me... They betrayed my trust, they stole my money, badmouthed me, etc. How all that can be possible if the world is my mirror? Everyone should be nice to me because I AM nice and open and willing to help, right?”

The answer here is NO. Thinking this way equals to giving your power away to the outside world. What one has then is a passive idealism. One came out from the ideal picture. One just hoped that is SO.

There was no creative effort in it.

It was just putting the label on something and hoping that it will behave accordingly. It’s not how it works.

This game works on other principles.

It’s a Spiritual Warrior Principle. It means that if you want something in your life – you take control of your conscious mind and direct it towards creating what you want. And you do so by keeping your thoughts on it, on keeping an INTENTION.

Every though you think is going to add to the manifestation of your desires or it will erase them. So here comes into a play a vital importance of keeping your mind on your goals and seeing them as already achieved and seeing yourself achieving them.

To the degree that others may call you DELUSIONAL.

To the degree they make fun of you and whisper behind your back.

To the degree that your own ego rises up and whispers “its not you” into you ear.

To the degree that it fills you with sadness and negativity to stop you.

What do you do then?

Just accept those feelings. Let them be there, do not resist.

Acknowledge them; let them go through you like a smoke.

Stick you’re your INTENTION. Sooner or later all negative stuff will be gone. But you will stay and see you goals becoming REALITY.

And see yourself becoming another person. The person you were INTENDED to become.

Because you can do it.

Because your IDENTITY IS FLUID.

Because you can change if you are really sick and tired of mediocre life.

Because you have a WILL.

Because it’s your CALLING.

And then you will see all those who were laughing and ridiculing you to become your fans and admirers. But it will not matter much to you anyway…

Keep going, the goal is worth it.

DJKC

Be a 10.

2007-12-09T20:13:00.000+01:00

Did you notice this peculiar thing: after a while of going out you can approach quite comfortably. Quite comfortably means something different for everyone. One feels pretty confident and happy, while another person feel just a tiny bit less nauseous after a year or two.

Still, the process of desensitization goes on. It just has a different speed for every person.

Anyway, you feel quite ok opening and chatting up some girls. You also might notice that the less petty they are the more confident is your approach.

If you are going out every time with a certain goal in mind – lets say you want to use more touch (“kino”) during interactions – you notice that it goes very easy on girls you are NOT attracted to. It goes not that easy on girls you have some attraction towards.

And it becomes increasingly difficult to do that on girls you more or less like. And what makes things more difficult is that the ones you like will feel your hesitation and freak out. Uncertain touch feels really weird. Try it for yourself.

And when it comes to super hot girls – you freeze out. You probably do not even attempt to approach. If you get enough nerve to do that – conversation quickly dies out. She seems disinterested or her friends drag her away or whatever.

If you are going out and trying things for real – you know exactly what I mean.

You try to touch her – more times that not – she will give you a LOOK. So you will quickly stop trying. Sounds familiar?

Some guys start to create all kinds of excuses for them just not to go and not to approach. And this is fine if all they want is “to get at least someone to be with them”. I hear these confessions during my workshops and I think there are more guys who actually think it then are guys who are able to say that loud.

It takes a lot of courage to admit this to you. If you only wish is to get your skills up to that level to be able to get for yourself any girlfriend whatsoever and not to think about this again – well, I understand completely.

And we can teach you to do that in a very short period of time. Really.

But what if you are an ambitious student and you are also honest with yourself so you can clearly see the issue? Well, then sooner or later you will have face it.

So what to do here? How to overcome this one?

There are two ways which you can take. And note: one does in exclude another. In fact one is working on the issue itself and another one is going on a higher logical level (see my post on logical levels).

So the first and the most straightforward way will be to keep pushing yourself. You will slowly, step by step desensitize yourself.

You divide the whole issue in smaller chunks: start saying hello to all super hot chicks whenever you see them. Then start 30 seconds conversation, then build it up to 5 minutes, add flirt, etc. You get the picture.

It’s the same way you approach the practical aspect of the Game in general but here you apply it in isolation and one kind of girls. Those who are super hot for YOU.

Your general level of success in the Game is already higher but here you have to start all over again.

The second way requires more work but when it’s done you experience great results not only in your relationships with women but in ALL areas of your life. Let’s look at it closer.

What if I tell you that you are scared to approach beautiful super hot girls because of your relationship with yourself?

Answer this question to yourself HONESTLY:

Would you date YOURSELF? This question is CRUCIAL.

In fact this might be The First Most Important Question you can ask yourself in the Game.

If your answer is NO – then WHY should girls date you?

I mean this picture you have of yourself projects onto the world and you are getting exactly what you are projecting.

Ask yourself: why would you NOT go on a date with yourself?

Sit down and write it. Break it into different areas such as: style, humor, storytelling, body language, etc. Some areas are for sure ok and on some you will have to do some work. Go ahead and fix those areas.

If your answer to the first question is YES – then ask yourself:

How much do you actually love and accept YOURSELF?

This is The Second Most Important Question.

Are you too insecure and afraid to acknowledge that you are a complete and beautiful human being? May be you are afraid to acknowledge all those amazing parts of you? We all were taught that some parts of us are not that good or not that beautiful. That they are something to be ashamed of. Or may be you think that you did not deserve certain things?

Who did it to us? It was social programming first of all, then family, genes, whatever. But this is not an excuse. This is simply a fact. Accept that you have some limitations installed and then proceed to replace them.

What if I tell you that when you accept that immense inner beauty that you possess, when you realize how cool, unique, beautiful you actually are - then your whole inner world gradually changes.

You will notice that you feel much more confident and at ease talking to the hottest chicks and their reactions to you become more and more accepting, warm and positive.

What if I tell you that there is nothing to change in the outside world? It’s all inside us. Nothing changes but ourselves. Love yourself, realize what a good and complete man you are and communicate with everyone including the hottest girls with that in mind and see how warm and nice they will turn towards you. See how attracted they will be.

Once you really love and accept your own uniqueness and beauty as well as your own shamelessness about it - then this attitude, the REAL you - will shine through and your behaviors will reflect it.

Others will feel it. Not see, but FEEL.

You might stop wearing all the fancy cloths. It just does not matter any more.

People will open to you and they will stay with you. You have become a rare person. You are the beauty that knows its worth and is authentic and unapologetic and straightforward and loving and understanding. There are almost no such men around.

You will be an exception. More rare than diamond. And most women have radar for this kind of man.

But to achieve that inner change you have first to accept yourself entirely with all your imperfections and then start to working on changing those. You will have to start giving, sharing, shining. You see when I said love and accept yourself I did not mean to become an egoistic asshole proud of his misbehaviors and negative traits. What I mean is an inner transformation. Your confidence is based on self-acceptance and knowing that your ARE a good, loving, giving, shining, beautiful person. It’s all in you.

Keep going.

DJKC

The Matrix. Part 2. Ways Of Influence And The Way Out

2007-12-03T04:02:00.000+01:00

Let’s take a good look at commercial effect of television.

The following paragraph is based on scientific research on media cultivation and gender relations by George Gerbner and Erwin Goffman.

Commercials and soap opera’s. Commercials portray an image of ideal situations for the average man. This is how a Man/Woman is supposed to be, that I want to be/have.

Those ideals are things people strive for. Compare it to “The American Dream”.

In commercials a woman is often displayed as sex-symbol, a seducer, submissive and a follower. A man is being portrayed as active, strong, social and with leadership capabilities.

Television series, soaps operas and sitcom are reality to the average consumer. A recognizable image sprung from reality.

In soaps it’s a trend to portray the following image; the man is weak and submissive, the woman is dominant knows everything better and is the strongest person in the household.

In the media reality and ideal are being presented as extreme opposites.

Because the media portray such a big gap between ideal and reality, it increases the strive for ideal in the average consumer.

This is where frustration comes into the frame.

The strive for the ideal is being increased by the extreme opposites of ideal and reality. Because of the portrayed distance between the two the ideal becomes unreachable which leads to frustration. (If only I was/had such a man/woman!)

This leads to the buying of advertised stuff that is supposed to counter these frustrations such as cosmetics, clothes and presents.

The role of commercials and soap operas thus creates the following situation:
Beautiful woman seem unreachable for the average man. And attractive men seem intangible. These frustrations lead to consumption for both men and woman.

Magazines are another good example of The Matrix at work.

Look at FHM or Playboy or Men’s Health. No word about how to REALLY interact with opposite sex. Like FHM you have those “blurbs”, loose pictures and phrases all over.

What do they do this way? Increase frustration by publishing pictures of very beautiful women. This makes men into dreamers instead of pro-active doers.

Men are lead to belief that sex is hard to get, beautiful women are not for them that in turn leads to them buying porn, visit prostitutes, etc. You get the idea.

All magazines publish ads full of beautiful women next to expensive cars, watches, jewelry. Men work their asses of, get promoted, buy sport cars, expensive watches, and come to the designated meeting place (club, bar) …AND STILL DO NOT GET LAID.

Then they decide that it was not the right car model or that may be a new house will improve his situation. He starts to beleive in "destiny" (another excuse for not being pro-active).

Oftentimes his wealth might attract to him a certain type of women known as “gold digger” that will later divorce him, take half of his money and leave him even more frustrated.

As a Worthy Playboy (thanks Johnny Soporno!) you know that IT DOES NOT MATTER.
LOOKS and MONEY JUST DO NOT MATTER. Period.

Your ability to successfully attract women is based on your ability to engage their emotions, have well-rounded, well developed personality and be able to unplug from the Matrix. That’s it.

Open Cosmo magazine and you will know exactly what I am talking about with regard to women. Smell like this – otherwise your Prince Charming will never notice you. Wear this bag/belt/dress – otherwise you will not FIT into what is considered to be beautiful from now on.

And you know in advance that next edition will just cancel this one and you will have to spend your money once again buying new outfit/ car/ jewelry/ whatever. You KNOW that it will happen but you JUST GO WITH A FLOW.

Women magazines create another side of the gap also by giving women precise advice how to successfully seduce a man, make him jealous or keep him interested.

The man portrayed in those magazines is very competent in passing all those “tests”. All other men thus are “losers” and should be rejected.

If you are going out for while and interacting with women a lot you probably know that feeling that sometimes comes up: you just can see she was waiting for some response from you. Some special response or special reaction. She is brainwashed by all those magazines and thinks that the “real” man should approach her “only like this”. Any other way of interaction she discards and labels like “looser” because they were not described in her favorite magazine(s).

Thus she is doomed to search for a perfect prince for extremely long time. Meanwhile she keeps buying all that stuff which is being promoted in those magazines so to keep her ready for that "ONE&SPECIAL" meeting.

So what actually happens is this: huge gap separates men and women. In this gap things are being sold to them under false promises. Expectations created but possibilities to reach them are taken away.

Ideal seem to bee TOO perfect and unreachable in real life FOR BOTH SEXES.

Very few people see it. And even less take an effort to break out of it.

Most people live in FEAR and die very UNSATISFIED because they did not fit WELL ENOUGH into that “perfect” consumer model.

How does the Matrix influence male behavior? Do you know why you doubt or slow down before approaching an attractive woman?

Did you ever hear your own inner voice saying “that is not possible”, "that’s not aloud" or "how am I going to look like if I do X"? You might not even hear them – they became fast thought loops that you don’t even have to really think.

They just shoot through your brain as an electricity spark and paralyse your will.

Learn to recognize them slow down your thinking when you look at an attractive woman; write your thoughts down exactly. You will quickly find those parasites.

You know somehow that going out and meeting people should happen in specially designated places. Bars, clubs, etc. There are many variations but you somehow know exactly that if you see a nice girl in the supermarket you will not walk up to her and start chatting. Someone got this idea into your head. Think hard now: Who? When?

You will not remember. Social programming has many forms and most of them are invisible.

I mean, nobody ever told you: Hey, cannibalism is bad, don’t eat your mates, right?
But there are enough jokes, stories and hints around in our society to get this idea very strongly into child’s head.

Overcoming insanity of social programming becomes a number one priority in your life, in your Game and your personal development. Again, your intuition and your heart will be the best compass on this journey.

Keep going.

DJKC
(2 writings of Dutch Seduction lair were used during creation of this article)

The Matrix. Part 1. Open Your Eyes.

2007-11-30T04:59:00.000+01:00

This is going to be a fun ride. Let’s go.

First there was this movie called The Matrix. Sci-fi, cool, beautiful actors, all very solid.

Too solid.

Too solid to be just another good science fiction movie.

It rang true. It rang TOO TRUE. And when your internal compass turns to something and call for your attention then you better go and listen.

In the movie it is an elaborate system designed to fool humans, to restrain their potential, to limit their beliefs, to make them a tiny helpless part of a huge machine.

And all that without vast majority having any idea of what’s going on. A person is getting born into it and does not know any better.

“An interactive virtual environment involving systematic global deception" so to speak.

Well, if you have not seen it yet – just get it and watch. It’s really worth your time.

Learning the Game, going out and experiencing tons of social interactions you will learn to see the Matrix.

You might even start despising it and think you are better than those who live under its powers. But after a while you hopefully will understand that the Matrix is there for quite a few purposes.
There are two sides to it as they are to all things.

Let’s look first at the BRIGHT SIDE.

The whole structure of modern society at large can be called the Matrix. There are many noble and useful functions that it performs.

First thing that comes to mind is our Safety. Police and military are an integral part of the Matrix and we simply can not exist without them.

It’s so funny to see people who love to say “F!ck the police, yeah, kick their f!cking cop asses” – to run to the phone and be hysterically dialing 911 when the first unpleasant situation arises. We all agree that some organized kind of existence is necessary and it is VITAL for our civilization to have it and to mountain status quo.

But then there is another side to it. The DARK SIDE of the Matrix exists too.

It basically consists of the idea that in order TO BE WORTH SOMETHING in life, in order TO BE SUCCESSFUL AS A HUMAN BEING, in order to have A BEAUTIFUL/GOOD WOMAN or in order to be loved at all you are expected to have certain SOCIAL STATUS.

Big and small corporations are spending huge amount of money and intellectual power to convince people that it really is so and to stimulate consumption.

Welcome to modern consumer society.

Like Jeffy from Real Social Dynamics puts it:

"People react predictably to society’s rewards and punishments. This is a necessity in our civilization. We have a complex division of labor, not everyone can be the Man. So don’t approach, don’t be alpha. But if you let these things to dictate your life – what do you become? A consumer!”

The Magic Pill mentality prevails. This system uses all its power to make people feel FEAR, UNCERTAINTY and UNHAPPINESS and then SELL them Magic Pill that promises to relieve their fears. This is what the whole advertising machine is all about.

Personal note: Somehow I stayed immune to all that. Something in my brain prevented me from connecting those images of beautiful women to the goods they sold. I remember when I was a kid and it was still communism in Russia (that really sucked btw!) I used to cut out those beauties from some foreign magazines and cover my walls with them.

Those magazines where actually forbidden and only KGB and communist elite had them in abundance at their luxurious homes.

How did I get to them? Their houses had huge waste bins downstairs…

Back to the now: the Matrix is at work in all aspects of modern society. You can easily find it in Laws, Norms, Beliefs and Values that are held by the authority.

Man and women are presented with an image of HOW to be a GOOD CITIZEN. They are also being told of WHAT others around them EXPECT of them.

The reward? The good sheep lifestyle, get married to the woman you “deserve” according to your status.

The underlying message is: there will be lots of PAIN if you DO NOT buy and a promise of some instant pleasure if you DO.

For the sake of this blog I want to concentrate on male-female dynamics and how the Matrix influences it.

Men and women are told separate stories about what they should do, how they should dress and where they have to go in order to have success with an opposite sex.

An image the Matrix presents to everyone is that it brings men and women closer together while actually it creates A HUGE GAP between man and woman. A gap where frustration is generated and all kinds of magic pills are being sold.

Take Amsterdam at fall 2007 as an example. People go out after work or on Saturdays. Music everywhere is VERY loud. It prevents any normal conversation. People who came here to meet each other and are influenced by music are getting frustrated.

Alcoholic drinks are being sold to them in order to make them more loose and to overcome this frustration. Man drink to overcome socially programmed fear of approaching and talking to women and women drink to get their state up, get drunk and have an excuse after: "I was drunk, so I went with that guy. That does not count... I am not a slut..."

I was dj-ing at the best venues of Amsterdam and all owners knew that secret: the harder the music the bigger income of the bar.

It became so ridiculously hard that the city Health Service (GGD) insisted on putting decibel meters in some venues so the volume will be just on the edge of causing irreversible damage to human ear... (to be continiued)

How Long Does It Take To Learn The Game?

2007-11-25T18:03:00.000+01:00

This guy came to me yesterday during the night out and said:

“I am going out doing day game already for 2 years and still no results. I am switching to the club game now. Well, do you actually have any idea why after going out for two years I still do not see any results? I am going to slow down now. It’s too much. But tell me what is REALLY going on? Is it all marketing bullshit that we read on the net and when we watch products of so-called guru?”

I get this kind of questions pretty much lately. So, really, let’s see “why”. The answer here is actually fourfold. Here it is:

First and most important is YOUR DRIVE. How obsessed are you? How badly did you hit the bottom? Did you REALLY have enough?

When I started this journey I did not know how much it would take me to get to the point of consistent results. I did not have any idea of HOW I will get to that point and also I did not know that there are like-minded people who can actually help.

The only thing I knew then was that I was not going to live a life of scarcity. Ever. It was like a CALLING from above and it said “enough”.

It was and still is “get rich or die trying” kind of attitude. It takes more and more spiritual forms, it grows and evolves. It became kind, loving and all-encompassing. But still, after all it’s kind of starting every day again and again.

Ego does not want to change. It wants to protect. It’s so nice and warm in that sweet little comfort zone of yours. (Actually everything that we have and what surround us DOES HAVE a good use for our personal development and your Ego too. I will talk about it in another article.)

So how do I get out of this sweet sleepy zone? I really, fully on DEEP EMOTIONAL LEVEL realize that there is NO ALTERNATIVE to growth, to going out, to get abundance. What is there left for you in life if you stay home and watch a movie? Nothing. It’s like that huge swamp that can swallow you if you don’t get out. Its spiritual degradation and death.

You have to realize that there is NO WAY BACK. No way will I go back to the brainwash of 50+ channels of television, to old habits, to excuses of bad weather, no wingman, to the lack of busy clubs in your town or whatever. Time is TICKING. And it’s counting down.
Every moment you spend on your couch is taken away from learning, interacting, discovering yourself. You are stealing your own self-actualisation process away from yourself. How does that feel? TRULY REALIZE that those are THE CONSEQUENCES and you never will have an issue of staying home again.

This is the biggest driving force behind the process. Internalize it. Live it.

Second is that you often can’t see your own progress. Really. Lots of time you are doing just fine.

I saw the guy who asked me the above question about two years ago when he first decided to get this area of his life handled. This was more or less the look:
:)
But he did a lot in these two years. His cloths are now cool and well-cut. He developed his own style; he is taking dance lessons, changed a job and moved to a bigger city.

Many times it’s our own expectations of ourselves that mess things up and let frustration to come up. Without realizing it you START TO COMPARE yourself with external world, with people from DVD’s and e-books. They are all “getting it”, “scoring”, their life seems to be a continuous process of enjoyment, pleasure and luxury.

So obviously the question rises: “will I ever get there too? Its all so easy for THEM, may be they are special or may be they just lie and its all actually IS a marketing bullshit?”

My good friend just came from a PUA gathering in Las Vegas where alumni and instructors from one of commercial methods got together for a weekend. He came back very disappointed. No-one scored. People got a few phone numbers, did some funny flirt but for the rest nothing happened.

To put it simple: no one got laid during three days. And there were guys among them who actually are instructors and who actually make a living by teaching this stuff to others.

I have no doubt that this is not a typical story but it indicates something.

Namely: YOU HAVE YOUR OWN TEMPO, YOUR OWN SPEED. Again, this one needs to be DEEPLY realized.

Every time that temptation to compare yourself to others creeps in you have to wipe it out. YOU COMPARE YOUR RESULTS AND YOUR PROGRESS ONLY WITH YOURSELF.
Could you talk to a stranger a year ago? Could you hold 2 minutes conversation easily? How did your personal style develop?

These are the only comparisons you are aloud to make. Check and you will see that basically you are doing well. There IS A PROGRESS. But it’s not at all like in those books and videos. Because it’s YOUR OWN progress.

‘Cause you are writing your own book called “My Victorious Self-Actualization”.
Like my good friend Johnny Soporno (pic above) says: “To find out where you REALLY are at the moment in your personal development process – just enter nearest Mc Donald’s restaurant and ask the guy behind the counter how HIS life looks like”.

Third is how much effort you are putting in reaching your goals.
For the last three years I help a friend of to run a gym. It’s a boxing gym but there are no professional boxers there. Just regular people from all ages and walks of life who come there 3 times a week to get their condition up, to learn some self-defense and to let some steam out in a harmless way.

Most of them are coming year after year and are very loyal clients. But the funny thing is: 99% of them have the same physical condition and boxing skills level as they had a year or two years ago. They come for a training, do what their instructor tells them to at about 60% of their ability and then they leave with a good feeling.

And I mean there is nothing wrong with that. They check another day in their agenda, they go exercise, and it’s done.

They do want to get better but they somehow think that it will JUST HAPPEN to them if they will duly attend the gym for long enough.

Well, it JUST DOESN’T.

On the other hand there are a couple of guys and girls there though that take trainings really seriously. They train every time with all they have. They do it as if they prepare for the most important exam. Every move they make, every exercise – they just give it all to it. 100%.

The same thing exists with learning the Game. The rule is: you are out there and you have to DO THAT. You have to put 100% effort every time you do that. Its not you doing the exercise but it is you becoming that sexy guy, getting into the state and being in the moment. I had to push myself hard in the beginning. I still have to do it sometimes. So what, nobody told you that it’s going to be easy.

Realize that you are conquering YOURSELF in this and this is the most difficult task for a human.

Fourth is stepping back and re-assessing the situation and changing your approach if necessary. It’s always useful to re-evaluate what you are doing at regular basis. Here a journal will help you a lot. As well as a good advice of someone who is further than you on this path.

Do not go and ask advice to your old friend or family members. This is NOT the right place. In this case the further from home you search for help the better.

Try different approach if you see that what you do does not bring results for many months. Modify. Then try again.

Go check commercial methods that are teaching it. Find out the one that really vibes with you. No matter what others say about it. You are on your own path. You are on your own level of personal development. You are on your own level in this Game.

Whatever calls a positive emotional response, whatever has an answer in your heart – this is yours. Your heart knows better.

I see some guys furrow their brow at this like “Eeee… all that heart stuff… Its all like…emotional... it's for chicks… I’ve just read about that Magic Pill method. All my logic and experience tell me that I should invest in it…”

Forget it. Trusting yourself means trusting your heart.

Keep going.

DJKC

Question

2007-11-24T18:53:00.000+01:00

Sunday says:
Hello Johnny ! I Would like you to answer one very important question for me, if you can.

Johnny Soporno says:
Hey Roman :)

Johnny Soporno says:
What can I tell ya?

Sunday says:
Why do I feel attraction only towards high status women? And when i see a medium status women I feel that it might be nice to have sex with her, but playing the game for just sex isnt
worth it.

Johnny Soporno says:
It's a ego thing.

Johnny Soporno says:
“Were it not for imagination, a man would be as happy in the arms of a chambermaid as a dutchess”. Samuel Johnson

Sunday says:
I am trying to understand this...) so you try to tell me that ALL we do is for show-off ?)

Johnny Soporno says:
Nope

Johnny Soporno says:
I'm telling you that your brain has decided that what you're after from a woman is NOT what the women can provide for you herself, but rather what YOU PERCIEVE as your social-acceptance from other men, for having hooked-up with her.

Sunday says:
So how to cure this thing? How to find my genuine desires towards woman ,and not to loose the game.

Sunday says:
I have 2 girlfriends now who are my sexual partners...and we are friends ! They have there own providers,but as for me, i don't count for them,and has built all the relationship using knowldge that i've read from your posts and seductive reasoning. So i should approach woman and right from the beggining be a sexworthy friend...right?)

Johnny Soporno says:
That's one way to do it :)

Sunday says:
And the difference is ?

Johnny Soporno says:
Just don't go into it accepting the false sensation of chemically-enhanced infatuation as though THAT was the desirable version of quality love.

Love, Sunday